I didn't think the blog was THIS funny! He must have phenomenal abs though...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2116061/Laughing-Dutch-man-Huug-Bosse-Hes-laughing-hip-operation-years-ago--wife-doesnt-funny.html
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Stupid News of the Day...Calling in Sick
I've heard of making yourself sick to avoid work or school...but this is ridiculous!
http://www.theprovince.com/news/Austrian+saws+foot+avoid+work+report/6359754/story.html
http://www.theprovince.com/news/Austrian+saws+foot+avoid+work+report/6359754/story.html
Stupid News of the Day...Bacon Coffin!
Geez...it's like inviting the maggots to dine!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2123135/To-die-Those-love-bacon-death-buried-it.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2123135/To-die-Those-love-bacon-death-buried-it.html
Stupid News of the Day...Show and WHAT?!
Whatever happened to Tansformers and GI Joe's!?
http://news.yahoo.com/kindergartener-brings-500-worth-heroin-show-tell-162423805.html
http://news.yahoo.com/kindergartener-brings-500-worth-heroin-show-tell-162423805.html
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Top Ten List...Oldie but Goodie thx Frankie Fig
Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
# 1 - They Can't wear their helmets sideways.
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale Earnhardt Jr.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillacs approved for competition.
# 2 - When they crash their cars, they bail out & run.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
# 1 - They Can't wear their helmets sideways.
Bonus Joke of the Day...Q&A
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!
A: When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!
Joke of the Day...Grandma and the Peanuts
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and while he’s there his friend eats the whole bowl of peanuts the grandmother left on the table. So as they’re leaving the friend says “Sorry Ms. Johnson but I ate the whole bowl of peanuts you left on the table” The grandmother says “They weren't peanuts, they were peanut M&M's but ever since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off of em.”
More Stupid News...95 y/o Lady Wakes Up 6 Days Later!
That's some fuckin nap!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2109719/Chinese-woman-95-comes-life-climbing-coffin-days-died.html
Btw...her picture would make a sick album cover.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2109719/Chinese-woman-95-comes-life-climbing-coffin-days-died.html
Btw...her picture would make a sick album cover.
Stupid News of the Day...Download Slash's Album...get Child Porn?!
By looking at the picture, I'd say they were at least guilty of something...over eating and wearing a filthy shirt for a public photo!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110921/Council-bans-daughter-contact-Nigel-Robinson-child-porn-images.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110921/Council-bans-daughter-contact-Nigel-Robinson-child-porn-images.html
Thursday, February 16, 2012
More Bonus Jokes of the Day....Two Kids in for Surgery
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, in front of the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, 'Whatcha in for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision. Whatever that is.'
So the second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that done
when I was born and couldn't walk for a year
The first kid leans over and asks, 'Whatcha in for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision. Whatever that is.'
So the second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that done
when I was born and couldn't walk for a year
More Bonus Jokes...The Wife and the Baseball Bat
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees two pairs of legs and reaches for her husbands baseball bat. After a couple of practice swings and cursing her cheating husband she starts whaling away at the blanket as hard as she can. Screams of pain and cries of "Stop....please stop!" echo throughout the bedroom.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink and as she enters, she sees her husband sitting there reading a magazine. "Hi honey", he says, "Your parents came to visit while you were out, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Don't wake them though...they've had a long trip."
Bonus Joke of the Day...Bob and the Blonde
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. and sat down next to a beautiful blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on and the news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet you 20.00 he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Ok, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,
"You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed the $20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, But I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money....
The 10 PM news was coming on and the news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet you 20.00 he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Ok, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,
"You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed the $20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did, too, But I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money....
Joke of the Day...Mexican Oysters
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A Mexican delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order tomorrow, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday. How come?'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.'
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A Mexican delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order tomorrow, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday. How come?'
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.'
Friday, January 13, 2012
JOKE OF THE DAY...The Lone Ranger & Tonto
The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day, when they stopped to take a rest. Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened.
Pointing down Tonto said "Buffalo come, here!"
"How can you tell, Tonto? Tracks?" asked the Lone Ranger.
"No! Face sticky."
STUPID NEWS OF THE DAY...Permanent Erection!?
He should join the porn business!
http://www.livescience.com/17898-penis-tattoo-blamed-permanent-erection.html
http://www.livescience.com/17898-penis-tattoo-blamed-permanent-erection.html
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
JOKE OF THE DAY...
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him to get on the road and stopped the driver. He then administered a breathalyzer test. Amazingly the results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer asked the driver “How the hell can you blow a 0.0?”
The driver replied, "Easily. Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
The police officer was waiting for him to get on the road and stopped the driver. He then administered a breathalyzer test. Amazingly the results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer asked the driver “How the hell can you blow a 0.0?”
The driver replied, "Easily. Tonight, I’m the designated decoy.”
STUPID NEWS OF THE DAY...Watching Paint Dry Championships
And to think when I listen to some peoples boring stories I could be doing this instead.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/886822-watching-paint-dry-championship-attracts-international-interest
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/886822-watching-paint-dry-championship-attracts-international-interest
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
JOKE OF THE DAY...The Broken Mirror
A guy runs next door to his friends house holding his hand as the blood runs down his arm. As he rings the doorbell, his friend answers the door holding a newborn baby.
"Holy shit bro! What the hell happened?" Says the friend holding the baby.
"I just broke the mirror on my car. The cut isn't too bad but now I'm going to have SEVEN years bad luck for breaking the friggin mirror!'
The friend looks down at the baby and says "You think seven years for breaking a mirror is bad luck. Try breaking a condom!"
"Holy shit bro! What the hell happened?" Says the friend holding the baby.
"I just broke the mirror on my car. The cut isn't too bad but now I'm going to have SEVEN years bad luck for breaking the friggin mirror!'
The friend looks down at the baby and says "You think seven years for breaking a mirror is bad luck. Try breaking a condom!"
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
JOKE OF THE DAY...Room 204
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you'll be able to forgive me." She looks at him a few seconds and says, "That's ok. If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 204."
STUPID NEWS OF THE DAY...Three for the Price of One!
Man tries to purchase items with $1,000,000.00 bill!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45834097/ns/us_news-weird_news/#.TwMVDFbNlNE
PETA demands cow tombstones on highways!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2080612/PETA-demands-installation-highway-memorials-COWS.html
Lost wedding ring found on carrot?!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-16374283
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45834097/ns/us_news-weird_news/#.TwMVDFbNlNE
PETA demands cow tombstones on highways!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2080612/PETA-demands-installation-highway-memorials-COWS.html
Lost wedding ring found on carrot?!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-16374283
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