Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Joke of the Day...Gone Fishing
A new salesman in one of those new-fangled drug stores that carries thousands of items sells three thousand dollars worth of fishing equipment to a customer. The boss is amazed.
The boss says, "How'd you manage to sell three thousand dollars of fishing equipment on your first day?"
He says, "A man came in and asked for a box of Tampax for his wife. I said, "While you're not doing anything, why don't you go fishing?' "
The boss says, "How'd you manage to sell three thousand dollars of fishing equipment on your first day?"
He says, "A man came in and asked for a box of Tampax for his wife. I said, "While you're not doing anything, why don't you go fishing?' "
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Bonus Joke of the Day...Home Alone
A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"
JOKE OF THE DAY...A Brazilian
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!" Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?" |
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
JOKE OF THE DAY...Plain English from the Dr.
A man tells his doctor that every morning he has terrible headaches, has trouble breathing and wasn't able to do the things around the house that his wife wanted him too. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me. I can take it. ."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're a fat, lazy, alcoholic slob."
"Ok," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're a fat, lazy, alcoholic slob."
"Ok," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Monday, November 14, 2011
BONUS JOKE OF THE DAY...The Large Vagina
A lady goes to the gynecologist. And while she is in the stirrups the doctor was examining her and says: "That's the largest vagina I've ever seen." - "That's the largest vagina I've ever seen."
She said: "Geez Doc, you didn't have to say it twice."
The Doctor replies: "I didn't."
She said: "Geez Doc, you didn't have to say it twice."
The Doctor replies: "I didn't."
JOKE OF THE DAY...Hearing Loss
A guy's weaving down the road when a cop pulls him over.
The cop says, "Hey, pal, did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
The guy says, "Thank God. I thought I went deaf."
The cop says, "Hey, pal, did you know your wife fell out a few blocks back?"
The guy says, "Thank God. I thought I went deaf."
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Joke of the Day...The Waiting Room
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour when the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
Just then, the guy that was sitting next to me got up and started heading for the door.
I said "hey, aren't you going to stick around for the birth of your baby?" The man replied, "I think I need a breath of fresh air.....I work for 7-11."
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
Just then, the guy that was sitting next to me got up and started heading for the door.
I said "hey, aren't you going to stick around for the birth of your baby?" The man replied, "I think I need a breath of fresh air.....I work for 7-11."
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
JOKE OF THE DAY...Twice a Day
A guy goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, ya gotta help me. I can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.
"Well, I have sex with my wife…TWICE a day”
"That's not so much", says the doctor.
"But thats not all. Then I have sex with my secretary TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Then after that, I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely too much", says the doctor. "Maybe you should start masturbating."
"I already do", says the man. "TWICE A DAY."
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks.
"Well, I have sex with my wife…TWICE a day”
"That's not so much", says the doctor.
"But thats not all. Then I have sex with my secretary TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Then after that, I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," says the man.
"Well, that's definitely too much", says the doctor. "Maybe you should start masturbating."
"I already do", says the man. "TWICE A DAY."
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Bonus Joke of the Day...Lung Transplant
What's the worst thing about a lung transplant?
Coughing up someone else's phlegm.
Coughing up someone else's phlegm.
JOKE OF THE DAY...Layin Linoleum
Billy's sittin home, bored on a Saturday afternoon when he decides to call his friend Tom up.
"Hey Tommy, what's up? What are ya doin today?"
"Ahhh, I'm just layin linoleum in the kitchen"
"OH YEAH?! SHE HAVE ANY FRIENDS?"
"Hey Tommy, what's up? What are ya doin today?"
"Ahhh, I'm just layin linoleum in the kitchen"
"OH YEAH?! SHE HAVE ANY FRIENDS?"
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