Saturday, December 31, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR YA BUNCH OF DICKS!
Have a safe happy new year and hopefully you'll be regularly visiting and clicking on some ads for me!
Friday, December 30, 2011
JOKE OF THE DAY...Wrong Bathroom
One night a man was getting loaded in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he blasted through the door. The only thing was, he wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman that was sitting on the bowl!
"OMG! This is for ladies!" she screamed.
The drunk waved his dick in the air and said "AAANNNDDD SOOO IS THIS!"
Stupid News of the Day...Part 2...The Ball Cutter
Looks like I won't be swimming in New Guinea any time soon.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079498/British-angler-Jeremy-Wade-snares-fish-killed-2-men-biting-testicles.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079498/British-angler-Jeremy-Wade-snares-fish-killed-2-men-biting-testicles.html
Stupid News of the Day...Flying Body Train Death Lawsuit
Man dies by getting hit by a train...body flies and hits woman...lady sues dead man...UNREAL!!!!
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-train-death-lawsuit-20111229,0,1119897.story
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-train-death-lawsuit-20111229,0,1119897.story
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
BONUS "LOCAL" JOKE OF THE DAY...Santa vs White Plains
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a bartender in White Plains???…Santa only has to look at 8 assholes in one night.
BONUS JOKE OF THE DAY...Johnny on Santa's Lap
Little Johnny sits on Santa's lap.
Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas little Johnnny," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
Little Johnny thinks for a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping Jonnhy's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again Johnny thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas then?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y! And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas little Johnnny," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
Little Johnny thinks for a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping Jonnhy's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again Johnny thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas then?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y! And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"
JOKE OF THE DAY...Christmas Eve in the Mall
A couple were shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and it was packed.
Walking through the mall the wife looked up and noticed her
husband was no where to be found and since they had a lot to do, she started getting upset.
After a few minutes of looking around, she called him on his cell phone to asked him where the hell he was.
The husband answered and in a calm voice he said, "Honey, do you remember the jewlery store we went to about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford? And I told you that one day, when I had enough money I would get it for you?"
His wife started to cry and said "Oh my God...YES DEAR, I remember that jewelry store".
"Well, I'm in the bar right next to it"
Walking through the mall the wife looked up and noticed her
husband was no where to be found and since they had a lot to do, she started getting upset.
After a few minutes of looking around, she called him on his cell phone to asked him where the hell he was.
The husband answered and in a calm voice he said, "Honey, do you remember the jewlery store we went to about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford? And I told you that one day, when I had enough money I would get it for you?"
His wife started to cry and said "Oh my God...YES DEAR, I remember that jewelry store".
"Well, I'm in the bar right next to it"
Friday, December 16, 2011
BONUS Joke of the Day...Six is Enough
I saw six men kicking the shit out of my mother-in-law when my neighbor yelled "OH MY GOD!!! Aren’t you going to help?" I said "Nah, six should be enough."
JOKE OF THE DAY...Blind Man in the Library
A blind man was in a library feeling his way around the desk when he came up to a teenager with really bad acne and said “Who the fuck wrote this shit?”
Thursday, December 15, 2011
SOUNDS OF THE SEASON...Marge Schott (Billy West) on Stern
A hilarious Howard Stern bit that would never be able to air today. Racist Reds owner Marge Schott (Billy West) comes in to apologize for her rants againt African Americans, Jewish people and Asians...but his (I mean her) apologies don't come off too sincere!
JOKE OF THE DAY...Christmas Joke #1
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yep. He definitely did!"
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then issues the kid a $20 bicycle violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yep, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the asshole in the back of the horse, instead of on top."
The cop says "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yep. He definitely did!"
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then issues the kid a $20 bicycle violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yep, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the asshole in the back of the horse, instead of on top."
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