JOKE OF THE DAY...Italian Boys Confession

An Italian boy walks into church and goes into the cofeesion booth.

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now."
"I'm sorry father I won't say"

'Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My 2 lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

"4 months vacation and five good leads"

Stupid News...Live Frog in Salad

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2035618/Mother-gets-frog-throat--finding-creature-bag-Tesco-SALAD.html

JOKE OF THE DAY...Candy and the Kid

A man pulls up to a little boy at the bus stop and opens the door. He holds out a paper bag full of candy and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come in my car."
The kid says "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

BONUS Joke of the Day...Pulled Over

A policeman notices a man driving over the speed limit and swerving all over the road. The policeman pulls him over and says, "Sir. Have you been drinking tonight?"

Looking around the interior of the car he replies "Why? Do I have a fat chick in my car?"

JOKE OF THE DAY...The Dr.s Cure!

A woman goes to the doctor, all beaten and black and blue.
Doctor: "Geez Mrs. Robertson, what happened?"
Woman: "I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling and swishing it around your mouth. Just gargle, gargle and swish, swish."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I just gargled and swished with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled and swished and swished and nothing happened!"
Doctor: "That’s great! You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Stupid News of the Day...

http://news.yahoo.com/shopper-arrested-live-lobsters-shorts-134005861.html

I hope the rubber bands were still on their claws!

JOKES OF THE DAY...All Football Related!!!!

The Steelers had an 12 and 4 season last year. 12 arrests and 4 convictions.

What do you get when you put 28 Tennessee Titan cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "Can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"
"Of course," says the doctor, "Where do you think Jets fans come from?"

How do you kill a NY Giants fan when he's been drinking?
Slam the toilet seat on his head.

Why are the 49ers like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.